It's All A Bunch of Hocus Pocus
When we were moving, my husband told me he was hoping I would go 'full witch.' To anyone outside our close circle, this may come off a little bizarre. However, it couldn't have been a more welcomed encouragement and inspiration to finally dive head first into something I had been seeking since I can remember.I always assumed my interest in witchcraft stemmed from my love in Lois Duncan books about astral projection (Stranger with My Face), Ouija boards and the masterpiece The Craft. Not only that, but my love for magic in general, be it Disney or Jim Henson. I soon realized it was far more than that. It was something I possessed, something I wanted to explore and encourage. Something that I am still very much learning so take this all with a circle of salt.Getting more in touch with my witch side has been like pulling a soft warm blanket up around me. It's given me an opportunity to learn and focus on a subject I am passionate about. Alongside exploring my desire to write, these two ventures feel like I am coming home. It is not because the idea of witch craft and crystals and Tarot has become more mainstream. My passion is much deeper than that. It stems from the very deepest part of myself that sprung in and out of the shadows for so long, it was time for me to bring it into full sun.When I was little, I noticed I was able to predict songs on the radio. I remember telling one of my childhood friends this and she said it was because the radio played the same songs all the time. This was accurate (looking at you, 95 Triple X) so I brushed it off. I had wanted it to be magic. I began to toss aside any time I knew something was happening before it did. They would come in glimmers, just tiny visions that popped into my head and I'd know they were going to happen. I would sense when someone was going to reach out or I'd have a thought about a topic that suddenly came into light the next day. I would never call them predictions. I fancy them gut feelings. It was always odd ends that would casually float into me like smoke.As I got older, they became more specific, more real. I gained friends and got to know them and from there a door seemed to open where I could feel or see something like a breakup or a big decision coming along. It would be a fuzzy, brief picture or gut feeling but I started to think more of it. It was getting to a creepy, goosebumps inducing point.I began to read cards. I started with Brian Froud's Faerie Deck after a dear friend shared them with me in college (she is now a famous, wonderful witch doing beautiful work. Follow her @wildsoulhealing). I found I connected easily to this deck. I read for myself at first and then ventured into reading for others. When I read for myself, I found a solace in them. It was always like going to an old friend for advice and I never experienced a dead end. Many times, it would be a slap in the face that I needed to realize something I had been marinating for months. When we were moving away from New York, I read my cards constantly and thinking back, they were never clear. They encouraged listening to my instincts but I never felt this was a true path of guidance. This time around, coming back to New York, it was abundantly vivid that this was the right choice. Those readings on my living room carpet while unemployed and terrified were the silver lining in a very dark time.It took an eternity before I read for people I did not know very well. I still denied the fact I may have a gift and assumed I was so good at these readings because I knew the person. I also knew I went into a kind of trance when reading. I had words flowing from me that I didn't plan or calculate because of who I was reading for. Similar to my tiny visions, it was almost like whispers in my ears, telling me what to say. I rode high on that sensation, experiencing a relationship I had wanted for as long as I can remember: a bridge to magic.When I finally was asked to do new friends and acquaintances, I was pleasantly surprised it was the same and they too connected to my words and what the cards were telling them. It all flowed through me and I fell even harder for reading my Faerie cards and now have my own Tarot deck I am learning. I'm finally becoming intertwined with this spiritual part of me I was beyond ready to accept and put forward.Why share all this and what does it have to do with this blog?I share this because this blog is about returning to parts of myself that I tucked away in a box. It is about awakening dormant pieces of me that I have let rest far too long. I hid a lot of what makes me me away for several years and I am done with all that. Connecting to this magic I have had coursing through my veins for my entire life has brought me bravery, reassurance, and joy. I feel boundless and bold (two of my words I chose with intention for this year). I absolutely love magic and all it touches. I have magic. I am letting it grow and blossom. I denied it for so long because it felt different or strange or weird. It is not something to be ashamed of. It is something to put all energy behind and let the freak flag fly.Learning about the craft has been rewarding in ways I did not foresee. I can feel my energy shifting and my body responding to tools I am adding to my toolbox. Everything feels new yet familiar at the same time. It is like coming upon a strange house in the wood and knowing every inch of it without having ever stepped foot it in before. Don't we all have houses like that? Bits of ourselves that we forget to foster and in turn, they become forgotten. Who is to say my childhood wish to be magic wasn't coming from a very real source of power I had within me that was just calling to me to let me know it was there to be welded when I was ready?So, yes, it is trendy to be a witch and honestly, that's pretty fucking cool. It is like a blog I wrote years ago about how glasses are hip and nerds are popular and the whole world feels upside down but it's about damn time. There is nothing wrong with charging crystals in the full moon or burning sage in a new apartment even if you aren't out there in the world casting spells. We all need something to believe in. I believe and now, I am going beyond that belief and putting into a practice. It is something that brings me happiness and I am saying yes.I have reminded myself how much I love learning and getting better at a craft. This study has inspired me to seek out acting classes and writing workshops around me as well. There's something about tapping into childhood dreams and joys that has brought me back to life. That is our purest self, is it not? Before we have been jaded and hurt by the world. When bubbles are the greatest thing on Earth. When being a witch did not seem impossible.Luckily, it never was.*Let me know if you want a reading.