The Unity Card
I read my cards the other day in preparation for Mercury Retrograde. That's one of the most witchy sentences I have written in a minute. Every once in a while, when I am tuned in properly and focused, I have readings like this one was. I was reading for Mercury Retrograde because things always get tense and fucked up for me when it occurs. The classic miscommunications, anxiety, and stress for no reason. I also had been feeling down and discouraged and was asking the cards for guidance. My head in was too many places and I wanted to ask if I was on the right path, if I was following the right passion at the time because doing something new is scary and unfamiliar. I needed a light at the end of the tunnel.The first card I pulled was one I have gotten before: the Singer of the Chalice. Trust, joy, patience. Things I need to be reminded of. In the description, it mentions the Unity card which is card number one in the Faerie deck. I've never pulled this card. Occasionally, I will attempt to pull the cards mentioned in descriptions as they usually can provide more insight. This works only some of the time.It worked this time. I pulled the Unity card in reverse out of the deck. The Unity Card is remembering we are all connected, all are One (yeah, I capitalized it, don't hate). The Universe flows "with the dark and the light and all other polarities in a balanced, energy-filled, vibrant union." Cool, I just wanted to know if writing was a good path for me, Faeries. Slightly confused, I explored the Reversed meaning. That's where it clicked. I have been isolating myself for a long time. I have made all my struggles seem like they are mine alone and no one would understand them. I have put up walls and blocked connections that may have helped to heal me. I stopped seeking if I might have this in common with others and let myself sit in the dark alone.I pulled a third card for more clarification; I sensed there was more in this reading. I pulled Gawatcha who is a sneaky little thing. She was also reversed and when she is, it is pure stagnation. I have buried myself in self doubt and misery. It suggests there might be something I need to let go out that I am tightly bound to. The clouds parted and I began to understand. The best part? Gawatcha's description also mentions the Unity card. There are plenty of cards I have never pulled for myself or others even after reading this deck for years. The Unity card is one of them and yet, somehow I pull two other cards that mention it and the card itself. Am I magic? Probably. More likely I was connected fully and able to pull these linked cards.At first, I was not entirely sure what the deeper meaning behind this reading was. I understood what the message was: patience, get out of my own way, remember I am not alone, stop isolating myself and dragging my feet for imaginary reasons. But the Unity card was sticking in my mind. I was missing something.I went to a going away party for a dear friend that night. Looking around, I mused to another friend how every woman in our vicinity had been in this fantastic play together in college. It was almost the full cast of it standing together, wishing our loved one (who was also in it) well as she embarks on a great new chapter.I got home and was washing my face when I made the connection. Sometimes it takes a while for the message to come through. It hit me like a lightening bolt. I said out loud "That's it. The Unity card."Every woman in that room that I had gone to college with and done this show with came into the city as I did: full steam ahead towards being a full time actor. Auditioning, starting theater companies, doing new work, making short films. Then I took a second look and realize all these woman were starting new challenges. Every. Single. One. A variety of them, too. Some are in the arts, others are not. But they are all full steam ahead towards these new dreams, including the friend going away. They are happy, strong, focused, in beautiful supportive relationships, confident but also terrified, unsure, feeling alone, open to change but gritting their teeth hoping they land on their feet as they jump. They are me and I am them. We are One. Dreams change. I stood in a room with women I have known for over ten years and caught up with them about these new passions they are literally moving across or leaving the country to pursue. And I was sitting here, stewing and thinking I was alone in this "Do I give up my acting dream" struggle? It seems like such a silly thought now. I do not pretend to know if these women have had the same exact struggle. The ones I see more often, I know there's the acting flame burning quietly inside as it always will. When you love something so much, it never leaves you entirely even if you try and burn it out. Acting is marvelous in that you can kind of always go back to it. It's always there and open and available. I just have to make myself available to its call. I don't even know why it is a struggle. Because it is part of my identity perhaps. But I am not being told I have to give up one over the other. These women emphasized that and have shown me what hard work can achieve. The readings I have been doing for myself have all been similar: focus, breathe, follow a path. I am like an octopus that can't control its tentacles sometimes. Flailing around trying to grab at everything. If I close my eyes right now, what do I see? A cliff. I need to let go and jump off. These women who I adore and admire all did. And they are flying (some quite literally).Heart goes a long way and these women I once shared a stage with have a shitload of it. Without knowing they did it, they reminded me we are all One. We are all trying to find our purpose, our passion. Sometimes it is what we started out with, sometimes it changes. But I can assure you, with these women no matter what they are pursuing, you can expect great things. Now back to work.