How Geek Fashion Helped Me Love Myself In My Thirties

We are in a golden era of geek chic. If you are on any type of social media, especially Instagram, you have probably seen the geeks rise and take their rightful thrones as the cool kids after many years of being told we were peasants. Remember in middle school when everyone made fun of the kids wearing Star Wars shirts or Mickey Mouse and friends on their backpacks? We were labeled babies, losers, weirdos. Now the weirdos reign on high and we welcome any and all who care to join us (because we are cool like that). Just take a look at your local Target: baby Yoda shirts all over the juniors section next to $35 Mickey and friends sweatshirts and leggings. H&M sells all kinds of nostalgia inspired fashion. It has spread like wildfire and I am here for it. Like, did I die and wake up in heaven? I don’t think I ever got a Jurrasic Park shirt as a kid and now I own three.

I was hesitant to embrace my geek chic. I always had Walt Disney World sweatshirts from my trips yet I only wore them on weekends or as pajamas and never in public. I wanted to be classy, chic, and not give anyone a reason to bully me as I had been bullied most of my adolescence. I was teased for wearing endangered animal T-shirts and liking David Bowie and Princess Jasmine and fantasy movies like The Dark Crystal. Kids are truly idiotic, aren’t they? The scars I have inside me kept me from embracing clothes that expressed my fandom and my desire to be a badass fairy princess pirate.

Then cosplay became mainstream. It was cool to go to conventions, to dress like your favorite superhero. It was more than cool, it was BADASS. From there, geek chic was born anew. No longer was it oversized shirts of the movie poster. Instead it was a subtle woven phrase in the pocket of a white blouse or a unique design on a skirt that if you look closely, you might recognize a character or two. Three piece suits inspired by Beetlejuice and cocktail dresses straight from The Haunted Mansion. It became delicate earrings and limited edition shoes and shirts that listed fictional characters and places. Jersey style sweatshirts that say Slytherin or Hufflepuff across the back shoulders. It became cool to flaunt your Halloween obsession or be totally psychotic for Christmas with dozens of outfits, sweaters, and decorations. There are people who are influencers who do this for their JOB and I will confess I think I missed my calling there. Thirteen year old Rachel wouldn’t believe all this if you told her. She’d be too busy crying and remembering all the cruelty thrown at her while Rent plays on her boombox.

Sometime in my late twenties and thirties, when this rise was beginning, I dove in head first and stopped caring. The essence of geek chic is that most of it is subtle. I can wear a blouse that is acceptable in an office and features tiny little poison apples that no one would notice unless they were really looking. I no longer feel shame as I stroll up for brunch (you know, 300 years ago when we went to brunch) in my long sleeve top with Figment on it. I have a necklace of a Mickey ice cream bar. My apartment is even more decorated with fictional worlds than it ever has been. My wedding had the tables labeled by fictional worlds and books as markers: Oz, Hogwarts, Westeros, Neverland, Wonderland, Jurassic Park, Middle Earth, etc. We played movie themes for our cocktail hour. I walked down the aisle to a song from Cinderella. I am in my mid thirties (gulp) and I proudly wear a crop sweatshirt reminding me of advice from a fictional queen to ‘be a dragon’ because it makes me feel fucking strong as hell.

I am empowered by wearing clothes that express who I am and remind me of my strength. I never realized how crucial that is until I started dressing this way. It is like having tattoos for places and things and people you love (which I also plan to get for three worlds that shaped my heart and soul). I love all my Slytherin gear. I love all my Disney swag. I feel powerful and beautiful wearing it. I feel cool and awesome and completely myself. I relish the connections it makes. The shoutouts on the street of others who love the fandom I am sporting or maybe they noticed the Halloween pattern on my flared orange shirt. My Ewok park ranger tank top gets a lot of “Wait, is that an Ewok? Oh my god, I LOVE EWOKS!” People compliment my clothing with wonder and a little jealousy. A sense of shock of ‘wow I didn’t realize they made clothes for nerds that are cool.” They do and also, nerds are cool now. Embrace your nerd. Discover the power it gives.

I avoided it for so long because I thought I was too old. Now I laughed at that thought as I like another photo from an older Disneybounding* couple who frequents ComicCon and the parks. I had forgotten the key to all these favorite things from our childhood: imagination. You never grow out of imagination and loving the things that make up who you are. The books, movies, music, cartoons, toys, theme parks, trends that you grew up with are all puzzle pieces that fit you together. It is okay to still love them. It is okay to still parade them around like you did when you got a special edition Boba Fett as a kid. It is cool now! I wish I could shout that from the highest point of Manhattan. IT IS COOL TO BE YOU. The scars are still there from when we were bullied; they never fade. But they no longer bind me. Don’t let them bind you. Let’s wear them proudly underneath our Avengers jean jackets.

Nerd culture and stories taught how to fight for what we believe in, who we are, and what is right. That is why wearing those words, those names, those places makes me feel invincible. It took me over thirty years to finally show the public what my close friends knew in private. I am a Disney loving freak with a literary twist, a fantasy cherry on top and a scoop of 90’s nostalgia on the side. I am me. I love me. The me I was embarrassed for so long, the me I hid, the me I forced into dressing a certain way so I was included, the me that never wanted to grow up and felt she had to. The funny thing is that I can be a fully functioning adult that is wearing a necklace inspired by pixie dust, Harry Potter socks, and a Wall-e backpack and still be respected and treated as such. I can be the girl who tried to teach herself Elvish and the adult who got promoted at the same time. We all can.

One of my best friends is a Halloween king and horror fanatic. He dresses as such. He inspires me. I follow folx who cosplay in masterful ways, showing off their skills, their personalities, and their true selves. They inspire me. Geek chic is alive and well and has been for decades. It now has its place in the sun and I think it will stay that way. So many of us lived in the shadows for so long; hiding among others like us and never boldly stepping into the light. Now the light shines on us and we glitter like diamonds. It can be terrifying to be who you are.

I write this to share with you that:

Sometimes all it takes is a shirt with a Care Bear on it to remind you to love you just as you are.

Sometimes you need to whisper expecto patronum to yourself to remember that what you need to be brave lives inside of you.

Sometimes you rub your Captain America pin on your purse for luck.

Sometimes you listen to the Moana soundtrack on the subway to pump yourself up to take a risk.

You can be the child that still lives in your heart and have a 401k.

Embrace your nerd. Live out loud. Love yourself, dragons and all.

*Disneybound is a magical movement that was created to allow adults (anyone, really) to dress like their favorite characters in Disney parks. Adults are not allowed to wear any type of costume as the parks feature adult cast members in costume while little kids can wear princess dresses or Woody outfits any time. The essence of Disneybounding is finding regular clothing that represents the character, usually with color. For instance, to be Winnie the Pooh, you’d wear yellow and red. I did a Mickey Disneybound with a black top and red high waisted shorts with buttons and Minnie ears. Belle would be all yellow, Ariel would be green shorts and a purple top. Everyone gets incredibly creative and I think it’s the best thing since sliced bread.